It’s been a while but I’ve got some good stuff to share with you cock-lovers. Duke Nukem Forever is coming out with it’s second DLC titled "The Doctor Who Cloned Me" this tuesday. It features a whole new campaign story, complete with new weapons and badass enemies. Some of you already know where this is going just by looking at the title but for all the Anti-Americans that don’t know, here’s the smackdown:
Duke’s old enemy from the original game, Dr. Proton, is back seemingly alive and is out for revenge on The Duke. This time, for his brilliant plot, he creates a whole clone army of Dukes to head over to Area 51 and take out our beloved, drunken hero. If these clones are anything like The Duke, then they problably know how to kick some ass and chew bubble gum!
The DLC also includes four new multiplayer maps for you and your friends to duke out in! (See what I did there, I made a Duke pun. Teehee!)
Here’s a link to an article about the DLC below:
Gearbox recently made a claim stating Duke Nukem Forever was not reviewed fairly by some of the publications, believing they used the game "as a soapbox"; They praised the highs and scowled the lows but never even acknowledged the middle facts. Gearbox went on to state that part of the problem stemmed from the fact that certain amount of gamers today are not used to a old-school style game like Duke Nukem Forever, in contrast to all the modern shooters they’ve been fed such as Call Of Duty and Battlefield.
The reviewers tried with all their might to punch The Duke hard at his super-manhood, but like Gearbox, THE DUKE’S GOT BALLS OF STEEL!
Gearbox plans to take into account of the criticism when they consider the future direction of the series. It’s gonna take a lot more low blows to scrape The Duke’s Jewels! Here’s a link to the article below:
Here’s a sexy picture of The Duke. Guaranteed to enlarge your balls three sizes when put as your phone wallpaper!
asktheduke-deactivated20121218 asked: Damn I look good.
Like hell I do!
That is the question I ask of you. Gearbox already announced earlier in the year that they are already planning on making a brand-new Duke Nukem Game, “Duke Begins”, from the ground up, rebooting our hero’s story and focusing on his origins of BADASSERY.
This is great-fucking news for everyone involved with our hero, and a great-fucking way to get an iconic series like Duke Nukem back on the race to the throne it so mother-fucking deserves. Cause let’s face it: the only thing Halo and Call Of Duty did was kept Duke’s Throne nice and warm for The Duke’s return to the big time. And with Gearbox pulling the strings (let me remind you punk-ass bitches that most of the developing team in Gearbox formerly worked in 3D Realms) as well as providing numerous outlets for the series to expand (comic book series, movie in pre-production, new toy line, etc), there’s nothing but a better future for Duke from here on out.
But what direction will this reboot take? Will they tone down Duke’s humor? Will they throw in a serious, well-thought story line into the mix? Will Duke keeps his anti-hero soldier persona (Duke Nukem 3D)? Or further develop the more humorous yet still badass anti-hero persona (Duke Nukem Forever)? Will The Duke ever stop running out of bubble gum? I WANNA HEAR THOSE BITCH-ASS OPINIONS!
Everyone knows The Duke as the badass, girl-stealing, alien-beating, UFC-fighting, poker-playing, shark-hunting, gum-chewing hero we love. There isn’t an ass The Duke simply can’t kick these days, but The Duke soon made a discovery. He was told from the President that he was not allowed to kill any humans who create a crime, and he had to beat them and send them off to prison. Eventually, the prisoners would escape and The Duke has to kick their asses again and again and repeat the process over and over. It was taking away precious strip club time, and The Duke was getting pissed the fuck off! So The Duke made a deal with a random orphan to train him in the arts of ass-kicking and to give him 0.05% of Duke’s savings if he can put all the criminals into one city and take care of them while The Duke gets to party. The orphan is now known to these criminals as Batman.
To this day, Batman and The Duke always meet up at a strip club every Tuesday night and bowling every Thursday.
Side-Note: Love him or hate him, I don’t have to tell any of your sorry asses about how great of a game Arkham City is. If you’re sore from all the first-person ass kickings you gave in Duke Nukem Forever, then you can’t go wrong with a diversed, open-world, adventure game like this one.
Duke Nukem Forever DLC #1 is confirmed to come out next-fucking week! For those who didn’t read my earlier blog or forgot what this DLC was all about because you got your head stuck in a Pig Cop’s Ass, allow the Duke to remind you through the power of copy and paste:
The Duke’s only begun to stick his Mighty Boot into everyone’s asses, as we still got two more DLC packs to look forward to! (If nothing goes wrong or Gearbox doesn’t get lazy)
Here the link to the article below:
The New Dukem 3D Remake has been put on hold indefinitely due to a conflict between Gearbox and Interceptor Entertainment…WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? THIS IS TAKING FOREVER! TIME TO PUT THIS BIG BOY BACK INTO ACTION!
Just look at the progress they’ve already made:
Here’s a link to the article below: (I’m gonna go grab me a couple of beers)
Around a hundred years prior to Duke Nukem Forever, Duke’s grandfather was issued an arm-wrestling challenge by a six-eyed alien. Not wanting to back down to some alien scum, he accepted the challenge and the arm-wrestle went on for days. Eventually, the alien could not overpower his might and was defeated. Duke’s grandfather told the alien to leave Earth and that he nor his kind can ever return. The alien offered him a compromise, stating if he offers his grandson all of his species’ women on their mothership in space, his people would be allowed to return to Earth. They shook their hands on it and in a couple of years later, Duke goes on a vacation in the alien mothership. That same day, the six-eyed alien race returns to Earth and begins to slaughter the human race, thus starts the beginning of Resistance.
So until The Duke comes back from his vacation, we’re gonna be seeing a lot of humans struggling for survival against The Chimera in the future. Cause we know DAMN WELL THAT SHIT WOULDN’T FLY IF THE DUKE WAS THERE!
Side-Note: I’m going to be posting up a lot of random facts about Duke in the future that most people didn’t know about *cough* Duke is Master Chief *cough* *cough* and etc. Resistance 3 is already out on stores and I’d suggest looking into it if you have a PS3 and you wanna kick some alien-scum ass. Here is a link to a review of Resistance 3 from IGN below (Yeah, that’s right IGNorance. Even they had to give this game a great review)